The Intelligent Light – Self Help & Relationship Coaching

Back To The Basics Of Love And Romance

Posted by admin on May 16th, 2012

Almost every love story has the potential to begin as if it were a fairy tale. “Once upon a time, two people fell passionately in love and their love was unlike any others before theirs.” Relationship beginnings are wonderful and they can experience a ‘rebirth’ with a wedding, honeymoon and the exciting first year of marriage. Once a couple begins to grow and their lives change with jobs, children, social activities and other commitments, the love and romance becomes more difficult to attend to. Sometimes love and romance seem to be lost altogether. This destiny is not unavoidable if you want to rekindle the passion or simply bring it to a new level by becoming a hopeless romantic.

When you want to ignite the passion in your relationship but you aren’t sure what you need to do, the best place to begin is at the beginning. Think about the things that you used to do for your partner at the beginning of your relationship. If you don’t remember or never tried to be a true romantic, don’t worry. It’s not difficult and once you begin you will find that you will get your own new ideas after a while.

Most new relationships or new beginnings rely on the ‘little’ things to show love and affection. Be sure to remember special ‘couple’ days like Valentine’s Day, Anniversaries and even the date you met if possible. Be sure to send a meaningful gift or just a dozen roses and a box of chocolates to celebrate your feelings for your partner. Women can do exactly the same thing for men here. Not many men can resist candy!

You may not consider yourself to be a writer, but writing your partner a long love letter with your thoughts about how you feel for the other person is one of the most touching ways to spark romance. If you aren’t comfortable writing a letter, consider making lists about what you love the most about your partner. Lists can be about the things they do that makes you laugh, what they do for you that you appreciate, how they make you feel inside, how beautiful or handsome they are and other very personal but attentive details.

Call your partner and talk softly and loving. If he or she isn’t able to answer the phone, leave loving messages on their voice mail or answering machine. Talk dirty when you know that he or she can’t return the same conversation on the other end.

Sometimes couples feel more comfortable trying to bring romance into their relationship by bestowing gifts on their partner. While classics like flowers, candy and perfume or cologne are almost always successful gifts, try ‘giving’ something different. Make plans to go see every romantic movie that comes to the theater during the year. Bring home a bottle of champagne to celebrate even the tiniest accomplishment he or she has had. Randomly send romantic and/or humorous greeting cards to his or her workplace or hide them under the bed pillows at home.

These suggestions are simply ideas to get you started in your effort to bring romance and love to a new level in your marriage. You may have your own ideas and those are most likely better than anything offered here. Once you open the door to romance in your marriage and begin to build a foundation for future romance, you are ready to move to even more creative levels of romance.

Want to talk about it? You can talk about your issues with me by phone confidentially through Ingenio by AT$T. My advance degrees are in Psychology and Human Behavior. Just use this button to talk to me now! If I am offline, use it to email me. I will send you free minutes for where you can try my services free. I am a top rated expert on Keen and Ingenio.

Attract Your Right Relationship with Your Natural Attractive Force

Posted by admin on January 30th, 2012

As long as you resist being your natural, balanced self, you will not attract harmonious, long lasting, or healthy relationships. Once you become true to yourself, you automatically attract the right person to you. You can access and balance own unique vibration of energy to reveal your innate power and beauty within to attract the type of relationships you desire.

You Broadcast Who You Are and What You Want

What you think about, you attract. When you are cautious and hold back your true self, you attract similar situations to you. If you think you are not sufficient, not wise enough, or not powerful enough to create the reality you truly desire, you will attract a representation of your own doubt in yourself.

Attract Balanced Relationships

If you look for someone else to complete you, you attract an incomplete relationship. What you create is a partnership made up of two half people, that will not satisfy either person.
When you feel complete and sufficient, you set up a vibration that attracts those with the similar qualities. When you reflect the type of vibrations you choose to attract in someone else, you will be seen and recognized by Mr./Ms. Wonderful.

Re-ignite Your Attractive Power

Balance your own male or female energy to re-ignite your attractive power. When you flood your body with your own female or male energy, your body automatically seeks its original perfect balance. With practice your system will stay in balance effortlessly. This way you can experience your ultimate sexual and creative power..

Become Clear and Certain About What You Want

Connecting with your innate power and sexual force spawns a new level of self certainty. Your confidence will soar and you may find yourself achieving goals you long forgot. As you get neutral to foreign energies that compete for space in your body, you become clear, grounded and focused.

Follow Your Own Path

Life is a journey, and you have everything you need to create the most desirable, enjoyable and fulfilling journey for yourself. Take steps each day to reach your life goals, and you will not only be amazed at how well you will achieve them, but at how enjoyable and stress-free the journey will be.

Increase Your Natural Sex Appeal with Visualization

Everyone has both male and female energies. Sometimes someone from your past has turned off your male or female energy. It affects how and what you attract in your life. In the following exercise, you will increase the amount of female or male energy running in your body to increase your sex appeal and attraction.
1.Close your eyes, but stay focused.
2.Visualize yourself sitting in a control room in the center of your head where you have command of your entire being.
3.In your mind’s eye, visualize a scale or gauge from 0-100% that represents your current male or female energy running in your body. Notice the current reading of your meter. Don’t judge it. Just note what you see.
4.Imagine increasing this energy by slowly raising your gauge to 100%.
5.Simultaneously, allow the energy from the sexual center, approximately 2″ below your navel, begin to move throughout the entire body. Breath in from the navel and imagine the energy flowing upwards through the torso, down the arms, and up into the head. Allow this sexual energy flow out the top of your head like a fountain. Let the energy flow down to your feet and bring the energy up through the bottoms of your feet, into the legs creating a cycle of your own flowing feminine or masculine energy.
6.Choose a color for this energy flowing through the body as you push the needle on the gauge to 100%.
7.Allow yourself to experience your powerful male or female energy flushing out foreign energies from your body. Let this energy flow for about 5 minutes. Notice how your body feels.
8.Allow your system to adjust to a level where you feel most comfortable.

Your Attractive Force Within IS Powerful

Your renewed personal power will revolutionize your relationships. When you run your own sexual energy you increase self-confidence, boost your attractiveness and create balance.

People around you will notice a positive change in you. They may not put their finger on it but you will know why they respond favorably. Practice this energy technique for 20-30 days and the results will astonish you.

Want to talk about it? You can talk about your issues with me by phone confidentially through Ingenio by AT&T. My advance degrees are in Psychology and Human Behavior. Just use this button to talk to me now! If I am offline, use it to email me. I will send you free minutes for where you can try my services free. I am a top rated expert on Keen and Ingenio.

Can Former Lovers be Just Good Friends?

Posted by admin on January 20th, 2012

Can you be good friends with an ex-lover? Firstly, the word ‘lover’ has many connotations and the answer may be different for a one-night stand. But what I believe if it’s someone who spent a substantial portion of his/her life with, someone who have had a good relationship with, based on shared values, ideas and emotions, a healthy friendship is definitely possible even after they are no longer involved. This is possible because every relationship evolves. If both people concerned have the same level of understanding that they did when they were lovers, it can be used to establish a stable friendship. Of course, if there’s any negativity from either side, being friends may not be possible, and that’s sad.

When a man and woman relate, there’s always a part that is sexual, small though it may be. In most relationships, you tend to suppress the attraction. But when you’re friends with an ex, it’s much easier to understand and accept this attraction as you’ve already experienced all there was to experience. In some cases, one person may feel it more than the other, but either way. I think it’s much easier to talk such residual attraction through, as you both share a certain level of comfort. Communication is the basis of any relationship.

Even when you and your ex have new love interests in your life, communication is still the key. I believe, for the new relationship to work, you cannot hide your past. The attempt should be not to do things that you need to hide. And you have to resolve the level of importance you want to give your current lover and your ex. Your partner may be insecure, but then we’re insecure about so many things in our life. For example, people do compromise their careers for their relationship. So you have to either talk things through with your partner or compromise on your friendship.

As for whether an ex can be a platonic friend who can casually rib you about your present relationship or relate well with your current lover, it’s all about the different levels of sensitivity that various people display. The dynamics between your friend, your lover and you will play out according to each person’s position in your respective relationships.

I don’t think prespectives change depending on your gender. It’s about what you believe is right and wrong. If the other person has had a very similar upbringing (although that would be rare), he or she is likely to emote, perceive situations, react and resolve issues just like you would.

Want to talk about it? You can talk about your issues with me by phone confidentially through Ingenio by AT&T. My advance degrees are in Psychology and Human Behavior. Just use this button to talk to me now! If I am offline, use it to email me. I will send you free minutes for where you can try my services free. I am a top rated expert on Keen and Ingenio.

Tips For Solving Relationship Problems

Posted by admin on January 17th, 2012

It can not be denied that relationships have been considered as the source of a loving relationship that is full of support, enthusiasm and pleasure, whether the relationship is in the family or to somebody you are intimately in love with. And we would like to experience such a relationship to last until death. Hence, we exert so much effort in order to nurture and to make it perfect if possible.

Whether we like it or not it can also be source of sadness and distress when it fails to address the basic elements for a good relationship. This is the reality of what they call relationship problem. To have a relationship problem does not necessarily follow that the relationship we started will automatically doom to failure. That will not be the case to happen. There is still a chance to fix it.

However, we will be required to do some extra effort to keep things intact. There are many couples who take things for granted. They do not bother their relationship problems, still with great hope that the problems will just disappear by itself. They reconcile with each other but never bother to examine what had occurred or why it happened and to find some solutions to the problem.

In view of this indifference, a majority of the couples are going through series of problems. There are some problems which are not too difficult to solve compared to others. And there is a need to really to ask for professional help from a counselor. A number of people believes that the professional guidance helps them in recovering their relationship and enabled them to discover different ways to work out their problems and resolve that it will not happen again in the future. Therefore, it is a must for every couple to deal immediately with their problems in order to be in the back in the right path and continually improve the relationship. Always seek some ways of getting back and relight the fading intimacy of love.

Relationship problems will always be part of our human existence. What do you think are the causes of such problems? Being too close to somebody can give us moral support, consolation and joy, but it could also be a source of grief, disappointment and misery. Secondly, we have ups and downs of being attracted. Sometimes, we do not feel to approach the person. We want to be alone. There are times that we are passive and not eager to see our beloved. And this can strain the relationship.

Sad to say, we have minimal control along this line of the relationship. Thirdly, we have the demands from our work and financial stability. We can not do away from their concrete pressures because are the sources of our life as a human being. They provide the basic necessities of life. Lastly, the differences in our goals to achieve and our expectations from each other so as to sustain the relationship. I suppose these are the areas of concern that we should immediately address in order to make some changes for satisfaction of the relationship. It will eventually lead us to grow together.

What are the most common problems of a relationship? We have the following problems namely, the communication is very poor, poor skill in solving problems, lack of support from one’s companion, and no quality time for each other.

Want to talk about it? You can talk about your issues with me by phone confidentially through Ingenio by AT&T. My advance degrees are in Psychology and Human Behavior. Just use this button to talk to me now! If I am offline, use it to email me. I will send you free minutes for where you can try my services free. I am a top rated expert on Keen and Ingenio.

Building a Romance Bridge

Posted by admin on January 17th, 2012

Ever run into a brick wall, so to speak, with your mate? Can’t seem to pass “Go” without collecting 200 fresh wounds? Well, it’s time to build a bridge and tear down that brick wall. Here are your tools:

ATTITUDE – Get an attitude adjustment first. Lighten up and do a 180-degree about face. Read the Sunday comics, grab an old comic book, turn on the Comedy channel, watch funny videos or DVDs. Get in a better mood and pass it along to your mate. Invite your mate to tune in to comedy with you, too.

FRIENDSHIP – Go back to being friends for starters now that you’re in a good mood. Forget the love stuff, if you want. And just focus on being good friends; share compliments, do things for one another, go out and have fun together, enjoy one another’s company.

RELAX – Let your hair down. Trust and relax. Be yourself. Don’t let old wounds open or fester. Forget the garbage memories and just be in the here and now together.

TIME OUT – If possible, spend extra time together for awhile, like during your original courting days. Hire a sitter, order out, eat at fast food places, grab ice cream cones and go for walks in the park. Get to know each other all over again. That’s the key. Then you’ll remember why you fell for each other in the beginning and history will hopefully repeat itself.

COMMUNICATION – Take it slow and easy. Keep away from subjects that you don’t agree upon. And slowly re-learn to communicate with each other all over again. If necessary, and it’s not a crime or shame – get help. Seek a trusted friend or adviser, a church clergy member or certified professional counselor. No need to go it alone. Find your weak areas and how to over come them and plan for future communication difficulties.

GOALS – Gradually develop goals together so you’ll have a direction to head. Write them down in a notebook just for the two of you. And over time, develop them, revise them, cross them off your list. The idea is to HAVE goals together and work towards a common goal.

SCRAP BOOK – Create a memory album together. Add photos, clippings, menus and anything that reminds you of the “good times.” Then when tough times comes, you’ll have something to “hold on to” – your bridge to romance.

So don’t just sit back and sulk. Take short steps to improve your relationships and let life’s problems magically pass by while you hold on to your relationship.

Want to talk about it? You can talk about your issues with me by phone confidentially through Ingenio by AT&T. My advance degrees are in Psychology and Human Behavior. Just use this button to talk to me now! If I am offline, use it to email me. I will send you free minutes for where you can try my services free. I am a top rated expert on Keen and Ingenio.

How To Keep The Love Alive In Your Relationship

Posted by admin on January 12th, 2012

Some believe that romance should just come naturally, and if it doesn’t, or if the original closeness that existed in a relationship starts to subside, it means that something is wrong. Nothing is further from the truth. Keeping love alive requires time, attention and the willingness to keep things fresh and learn how to constantly reconnect. Here are some steps that will help us reconnect with our partners, and keep the love alive.

Step 1: Give up dead routines

After the initial excitement of being together is over, many fall into a routine and begin taking one another for granted. They assume they know what their partner is feeling, that it doesn’t matter if they come late for a date, don’t look as good as they used to, or decide to spend more and more time out with friends. However, it is crucial to realize that there are many small ways in which we sabotage relationships. Unless two people feel cared for and valued by one another, it is easy for the feelings of love to fade away.

Break into routines. Snap out of ruts. Take time to plan exciting, romantic, delicious times to spend together. Even if it’s just for a little while. Dedicate time to the relationship that nothing can interrupt. This is a sacred time for the two of you, and during it do what makes both of you feel most fulfilled.

Step 2: Take Charge of How You Perceive Your Partner Each Day

The good feelings between partners are often heightened by the way in which they view one another. Do you view him as a hero? Someone you can look up to and respect? Or are you mostly dwelling upon his/her faults? After a relationship has gone on for a while it is easy to begin to view one another as ordinary. This is a sure-fire technique for putting out any fire that might exist. Remember, when you first fell in love, you only saw the best about that person and focused on how wonderful they were. If you want to keep the love alive, keep that going consciously.

Here are two exercises to do to help. Get a personal notebook to record your experiences and feelings in. Read it from time to time. Dedicated a certain time each day to the relationship and what is possible between the two of you.

Exercise A – How You See Your Partner

Take some time and write down a description of how you see your partner. Who is he/she to you now? How do you feel about him? Write this down without censoring your thoughts and feelings.

Then, write down how you saw him when you first met, and how you felt about him then. See how your feelings of closeness are affected by the way you are perceiving the person today. Realize that how you perceive a person is totally within your control. You can have the most beautiful person in front of you, but if you do not see it, it is of no avail.

Consciously view your partner in a way that is similar to the way you did in the beginning. They will feel the effects of this, and begin responding in kind.

Exercise B – Stop Pushing Him/Her Away

There are many, little things we do (consciously and unconsciously) that push our partners away. Many are afraid of intimacy and do a great deal to short circuit it. Take a little while to write down ways in which you push him/her away. This is not to blame yourself, but to become aware of the times when you are not actually inviting closeness, but putting on the brakes.

Now, decide to change the way you behave. Each day take one item on your list (the way you’ve pushed him away) and do the opposite. For example, rather than criticizing him in public, say nice things about him with friends. A few small actions can have huge effects. .

Step 2: Understanding Hidden Expectations

There is nothing that can cause us to disconnect from each other as much as expectations that have been unfulfilled. We all enter relationships with many kinds of expectations and dreams, some we are aware of, others not. There is nothing that causes more disappointment than our expectations which are not being met.

Take a moment to become aware of what you are expecting of your partner. Is it possible for him to fulfill these expectations Does he want the same thing from the relationship?

More often than not, it is our unfulfilled expectations, not the other person, which make us upset. In order to feel close and satisfied in a relationship, a crucial step is making sure your expectations can be met. See how your expectations align with the person you’re with. Also take time to see if anyone can fulfill them? Are these expectations realistic or simply childhood dreams you are still carrying with you?

Exercise C — Letting Him Fulfill Your Dreams

Become aware off which expectations of yours your partner does meet. Now see if you are willing to be satisfied with that. Can you find a way to feel grateful for what you are receiving? Sometimes just deciding that what your partner offers is good enough, can allow the love to re-ignite once again.
Then, let him know that he’s making you happy. Most people have a deep need to know and to hear that they are meaningful to you.

Step 6: Re-Choose Your Partner

When these steps are taken, you will not only be more connected, but you will be with your partner because there is no other place you want to be. The relationship will not be one of convenience, but one of choice. The actual act of re-choosing our partners, of knowing they are the one’s we want to be with, is the culmination of the reconnecting and romance we’ve found.

Sometimes it is very beautiful to make this process conscious. You can write down and express the ways in which you wish to recommit to your partner, you can write down and express the aspects of them that cause you to feel this way. By doing this on an on-going basis, we not only keep the love and relationship fresh, but we keep ourselves aware of why we are with the person, what our part is in the relationship, and the joy and romance that is possible for us to have forever.

Want to talk about it? You can talk about your issues with me by phone confidentially through Ingenio by AT&T. My advance degrees are in Psychology and Human Behavior. Just use this button to talk to me now! If I am offline, use it to email me. I will send you free minutes for where you can try my services free. I am a top rated expert on Keen and Ingenio.

Three Forms of Closure

Posted by admin on December 20th, 2011

For her traumatic wounds to heal, the victim of abuse requires closure – one final interaction with her tormentor in which he, hopefully, acknowledges his misbehavior and even tenders an apology. Few abusers – especially if they are narcissistic – are amenable to such weakling pleasantries. More often, the abused are left to wallow in a poisonous stew of misery, self-pity, and self-recrimination.

Depending on the severity, duration, and nature of the abuse, there are three forms of effective closure.

Conceptual Closure

This most common variant involves a frank dissection of the abusive relationship. The parties meet to analyze what went wrong, to allocate blame and guilt, to derive lessons, and to part ways cathartically cleansed. In such an exchange, a compassionate offender (quite the oxymoron, admittedly) offers his prey the chance to rid herself of cumulating resentment.

He also disabuses her of the notion that she, in any way, was guilty or responsible for her maltreatment, that it was all her fault, that she deserved to be punished, and that she could have saved the relationship (malignant optimism). With this burden gone, the victim is ready to resume her life and to seek companionship and love elsewhere.

Retributive Closure

When the abuse has been “gratuitous” (sadistic), repeated, and protracted, conceptual closure is not enough. Retribution is called for, an element of vengeance, of restorative justice and a restored balance. Recuperation hinges on punishing the delinquent and merciless party. The penal intervention of the Law is often therapeutic to the abused.

Regrettably, the victim’s understandable emotions often lead to abusive (and illegal) acts. Many of the tormented stalk their erstwhile abusers and take the law into their own hands. Abuse tends to breed abuse all around, in both prey and predator.

Dissociative Closure

Absent the other two forms of closure, victims of egregious and prolonged mistreatment tend to repress their painful memories. The Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) – formerly known as “Multiple Personality Disorder” – is thought to be such a reaction. The harrowing experiences are “sliced off”, tucked away, and attributed to “another personality”.

Sometimes, the victim “assimilates” his or her tormentor, and even openly and consciously identifies with him. This is the narcissistic defense. In his own anguished mind, the victim becomes omnipotent and, therefore, invulnerable. He or she develops a False Self. The True Self is, thus, shielded from further harm and injury.

According to psycho-dynamic theories of psychopathology, repressed content rendered unconscious is the cause of all manner of mental health disorders. The victim thus pays a hefty price for avoiding and evading his or her predicament.
Want to talk about it? You can talk about your issues with me by phone confidentially through Ingenio by AT&T. My advance degrees are in Psychology and Human Behavior. Just use this button to talk to me now! If I am offline, use it to email me. I will send you free minutes for where you can try my services free. I am a top rated expert on Keen and Ingenio.

9 Regrets in Dating

Posted by admin on December 4th, 2011

We all have committed mistakes in our dating lives or our relationships. Some we have lived to regret. Through some research here are the most common regrets of dating people or people in a relationship.

1. Most people regret not settling down with their childhood sweetheart or 1st love at college. They always believe that there will be more fish out there so why settle down? There might be more fish out there but do they actually fit your taste and personality. Compared to that proven fish that you have already established with your childhood sweetheart or 1st college love. Some people who didn’t marry their childhood sweetheart will only think that they have settled for 2nd best only. This will be unfair to the other party, because you will always be thinking about that 1st love.

2. Dating people for the very wrong reasons always result in disasters. There might be some that could pull it off but it could be rare. Some people date for reasons of that person being physically attractive, business reasons, business contracts, sex or even just out of sympathy. We instead should date people who we seem to like because of their great personality or that being a match for us. A friend of mine tried to date a Muslim because she was pretty attractive, eventually things didn’t work out because of cultural differences. If you know that you are entering a dating situation where things will really not work out, don’t waste your time on it. There could be others out there while you’re wasting your time on the wrong person.

3. People always regret not taking the offer of the date when the offer was there. People will always ask the “what if” question. Just imagine all the girls who turned down Bill Gates now. Bottom line give the person a chance, it won’t hurt to have a sip of coffee for only 30 minutes. You might even find out you might click.

4. In our current society most 20 something people will put career ahead of their love life. This is not a bad thing though. But once you hit your 30′s you will seem to lose something within you. You will become less attractive because of aging signs. Our body clocks will eventually catch up on us. Also most good catches will be fewer. Try to balance out your career and social life. Having a love life doesn’t mean you need to get married and sacrifice your career. It might even inspire you to work harder. It’s just how you view the situation.

5. Never date a married person. Dating a married person always guarantees disaster. This relationship will always be about deceit, lies and cheating. The unmarried party will also be led to expect something that could or might never happen; which is being in a serious relationship with the married person. It might also bother your conscience that you are destroying the life of the married couple. This relationship or dating period will never ever work out and be fun. It will always be filled with doubt.

6. Stupid regrets here, people leave the person they love. Don’t know why. If you love the person why leave him or her? Often reasons for a person leaving his or her partner are due to infidelity. If things do eventually go broke it might be too late to go back. I mean if you love the person why be unfaithful? It might be tempting but it’s only a test of your relationship. Bottom-line, be faithful.

7. People also regret not ending a really bad relationship earlier. There might have been a time during the bad relationship that there was someone better who would’ve wanted to be with you. But because you were in that bad relationship you passed out on that other wonderful person. So if you think you’re just not in the right situation have the courage to end it.

8. Don’t be jackass in your relationship. People often regret that they could have been nicer to their partner. It will always haunt you when you treat your partner badly. How could our relationship have ended if I was nicer? Try to be courteous, remembering special dates (no matter how cheesy they are), kind, compromising, getting something special, being spontaneous. Don’t be too late to change, because you might regret it.

9. Don’t be callous when dumping a person. It definitely hurts and karma has a way of finding you.

Want to talk about it? You can talk about your issues with me by phone

confidentially through Ingenio by AT$T. My advance degrees are in Psychology and Human

Behavior. Just use this button to talk to me now! If I am offline, use it to email me. I

will send you free minutes for where you can try my services free. I am a top rated expert on

Keen and Ingenio.

Relationships And Poor Communication

Posted by admin on December 1st, 2011

To communicate means to tell about our feelings, and our thoughts. When we communicate, our words may not say precisely what is in our mind, but when somebody takes our body language and words together, he/she can probably find out what we really want to communicate. Understanding communication and making communication is both an art and a science. But it is not very difficult to learn.

Relationships thrive on good communication. When both the partners know exactly what is in the others mind, a relationship proceeds smoothly. For example, if a partner is lethargic and keeping quiet, that also communicates something. That has to be understood by the other partner. Once both the partners understand the hidden signs and the precise meaning of what is being said, they can develop a very healthy relationship. People feel good if some body understands them. They get irritated if somebody does not understand them. Irrespective of their own bad communication, they want people to understand them. Here lies the clue to communication and relationships.

Many relationships develop despite of poor communication in the beginning. The excitement of the partnership and the euphoric love make bad communication not very necessary to make the relationship cross the threshold. But after some time, as love thins down and cracks begin developing, the need for good communication increases substantially.

If you are facing a problem of bad communication with your partner, the best thing is to ask. Don’t assume the meaning, but say, darling; I am not getting what you want to communicate. I am sorry, but please explain. Be sincere in your request. You must show that you really want to understand. Slowly the communication will begin improving. Good communication is important to sort out many issues that a couple faces in a relationship.

Want to talk about it? You can talk about your issues with me by phone confidentially through Ingenio by AT&T. My advance degrees are in Psychology and Human Behavior. Just use this button to talk to me now! If I am offline, use it to email me. I will send you free minutes for where you can try my services free. I am a top rated expert on Keen and Ingenio.

Body Language Secrets You Should Know

Posted by admin on November 6th, 2011

Even when you don’t say a word, other people can still learn a lot about what kind of person you are and what you are thinking and feeling.

How do other people do this? By studying your body language.

The term body language refers to the messages you send out with your body gestures and facial expressions.

Some body language experts claim that only about 7% of our messages to other people are communicated through the words we speak. The rest of our messages are conveyed through our body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions.

During your entire life you have been sending messages to others through your posture, gestures, and facial expressions.

When you were an infant, before you learned to speak, people were peering into your little baby face, looking at your gestures, and listening to your little cries and gurgles, trying to decipher what kind of mood you were in, and what you were trying to say.

And you have been reacting to the body language, voice tone, and facial expressions of the people around you all your life, even though you may not have been consciously aware of it.

What sorts of messages are you conveying to others with your body language? Does your body language encourage other people to approach you? Or do you subconsciously warn them to stay away?

Take a moment to think about how you usually stand or sit when you are with other people. What are you doing with your hands? Where are you looking with your eyes?

Does your face express interest in the people you are with, or does your face stay a tense, stony mask?

When you are sitting or standing, do you usually cross your arms across your chest? If this is your typical way of standing or sitting, how do you think other people interpret this posture? Did you realize that most people will subconsciously interpret your arms crossed in front of your chest as a signal that you don’t want anyone to approach you? Only the bravest souls are likely to come forward when you adopt this posture.

If you stand awkwardly, with your chest slumped forward, your shoulders drooping, and your eyes avoiding everyone else, people are likely to decide you are very depressed or completely lacking in confidence. They may fear that trying to talk with you will be an awkward experience.

When you stand awkwardly, you do not project any sign that you are confident in yourself, or that you have any interest in the people around you. Instead you look like you are trying to disappear.

No matter how desperately you want someone to come over and befriend you, if your body language projects awkwardness or disinterest in others, it’s not very likely that many people will try to start a conversation with you.

If some body language signals can frighten people away, are there signals that will encourage people to come forward and approach you? Yes, you can look much more approachable to others if you adopt body language that is open and non-threatening.

Whether you are sitting or standing, aim for a posture that is upright and alert, yet relaxed. If you notice that your chest or shoulders are slumping, straighten up.

Become aware of the way you are breathing. Does your breath move in and out smoothly? Or does it move with jerky little stops and starts?

If you notice that you are holding your breath, or breathing in a shallow, jerky manner, this is a sign of anxiety. When you breathe shallowly, you have to breathe more often, which can increase your appearance of nervousness. Consciously tell all the muscles of your body to relax. Use your abdomen to help you breathe smoothly and deeply. Let the bottom part of your lungs fill up with air as well as the top.

What are you doing with your hands? If you get nervous in social situations, you may feel that no matter what you do with your hands, it’s the wrong thing. Many people who cross their arms in front of their chest are probably doing so at least in part because they don’t know where else to put their hands.

You should never cross your arms in front of your chest unless you really don’t want anybody to approach you. That is the message this gesture sends out.

If you want to look open and approachable, keep your arms at your sides, or put one hand in your pocket. If you want to hold something in one hand, keep your hand at the side of your body, and not in front of you. Holding your arm in front of your body can be seen as a signal that you want to defend yourself against other people.

Stay aware of and focused on your surroundings and the people around you. If you find yourself tuning out your surroundings, you will start to focus too much on your negative inner sensations and thoughts. This can quickly increase your anxiety to a very uncomfortable level.

What sort of facial expression should you have if you want people to approach you?

In most cases, a gentle, pleasant smile should do the trick. Too much of a smile that never softens can look forced and nervous. A pleasant smile with a twinkle in your eyes will convey to other people the impression that chatting with you will be a pleasant experience.

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